Masturbation is a great way for a guy to pass the time, but occasionally a man is engaged in solo bliss and unexpectedly finds his erect penis exposed for others to gape at. If the man is an exhibitionist, this may not necessarily cause him distress; however, if he has qualms about his masturbatory efforts being witnessed by others, or if he simply doesn’t like the element of surprise, this can be quite embarrassing. Even a man who practices superb penis health and sports a rod that is an absolute beauty in the looks department may be abashed in such a situation.
So how does one respond to this unwanted exposure of one’s manhood? Below are some handy-dandy excuses one can whip out when caught polishing one’s erect penis. Warning: Some of these may be slightly tongue-in-cheek – but that doesn’t mean they can’t be used in the situation! Humor can be helpful.
“I’m working on my long-term health.”
Studies have shown that regular use of the penis is good for a man’s health. The “use it or lose it” rule applies to a man’s junk, so it’s important to keep the rod exercised so that it performs well when called upon for duty. In addition, studies indicate that men who ejaculate frequently whether through partner sex or masturbation – are less likely to develop prostate issues later in life. So a guy can legitimately be playing with his pecker for health and shouldn’t be afraid to say so.
“I’m just doing this for you.”
Practice makes perfect, so a man may legitimately claim that he’s playing with himself in order to make himself a better lover for his partner. And yes, there is truth in that statement.
“Just scratching, that’s all.”
There’s no law that says an erect penis cannot also be an itchy penis. When a man has to scratch, he has to scratch.
“I’m increasing my productivity.”
If caught whacking off at work (hopefully in the men’s room rather than at one’s desk), it’s good to claim it’s all in the name of working harder. After all, a guy with a raging hard-on is not going to be able to properly concentrate on that pile of work on his desk. Taking five minutes to pull one off will result in a much greater work flow for the rest of the day.
“A genie lives in my penis.”
Everyone knows the story of Aladdin and how he could bring forth an all-powerful genie by vigorously rubbing a magic oil lamp. Who is to say that a genie couldn’t have come to live in a guy’s penis by mistake? After all, oil lamps are much harder to come by nowadays.
“I’m not masturbating. You are.”
Some men are great at denying evidence and turning the tables on their accusers. Only the greatest con men can pull this one off, but if a guy is particularly glib (or desperate) it’s worth a try.
“Ran out of glue.”
If the glue bottle is empty and a man has something that really needs sealing, why shouldn’t he bring forth a little of “Nature’s adhesive?”
“Just making a protein shake.”
Semen is a good source of protein and a guy needs to stay healthy…
“There’s a difference between moisturizing and masturbating.”
Applying a top-quality penis health cream to moisturize the tool may result in an erect penis; it’s easy for a man to explain that what looks like masturbation is simply practicing appropriate penis care.
Speaking of moisturizing, masturbation may make an erect penis very happy but it can sometimes also make it a bit sore. That same superior penis health cream (health professionals recommend Man1 Man Oil) that provides moisturizers can also help in other ways. A cream with acetyl L-carnitine can help with peripheral nerve damage that can cause some deadening when the penis is used roughly or too often. In addition, if the cream also contains L-arginine, it can help to boost nitric oxide production, which in turn helps to properly manage penis blood flow by keeping the vessels healthy. There may be many excuses to use when caught masturbating, but there’s no excuse for not keeping the tool in good health.
